Productiveness...

So I wanted to try and blog at least once a month but it hasn't worked out. And I want to explain the reason why it hasn't really worked out and that is due to productiveness.

I like to be busy, I like doing stuff and making plans but I can't handle being too busy. I just get too tired and exhausted and basically just can't function in life. This happened at sixth form when I was there but happened quite recently as well. Last week was a busy one, I was doing something everyday, out for 5 evenings out of 7 as well as working quite long shifts for 5 days. I was trying to make plans with Siobhan for today but had to cancel very last minute as I woke up and couldn't quite bring myself to even get out of bed as I was so exhausted and felt really guilty as I was really looking forward to it, but hopefully we can still do next week as I have resolved not to do much this week but work for the five days I am in this week. I just want to get my energy back.

The reason why I like being busy is due to productiveness. I actually like being productive, I want to make every day count. I think it is good to think that way. However at the same time, I have my limits like every other human being. I get tired so easily, and when I get myself in an exhausted state, I just can't cope with the normalities of everyday life. I have to keep in bed, close my eyes and try to rest while having a pounding headache as I suffer from them when I get too tired. I can't do anything during the day, this exhaustion takes over my body for the whole day until the day ends and I can get a full proper nights sleep. And the reason why I am blogging about this today is because today has been one of those horrible days. I had a two hour nap, reread the rest of The Fault In Our Stars, had tomato soup for lunch and watched The Book Of Life. It does sound relaxing, but not in my exhausted state, I have just honestly been waiting for the night to arrive so I can snuggle in my bed and enter the land of dreams.

Anyway as I said, I like being productive. There was one week at the beginning of January where I was put down to work two shifts one week. Any normal person would be celebrating that fact. I wasn't at all, I was wondering what I would be doing for the rest of the week to stay productive. I used to do sixth form and two shifts a week at work at some points, so to have two shifts a week when I was meant to be full time wasn't great. Everyone's hours had been cut, and after mentioning it, I am now up to five days a week, which I am happy about. Ish. I'm not gonna lie as honesty is the best policy, but there are moments now when I just get really fed up of doing the same thing everyday, and I know this can contribute towards the exhaustion. I will hopefully not be working there this time next year, either I will get another job or go to university. I am still keen on the university idea, the only thing I need to do is actually visit Essex to see whether it is right for me, there is an open day in June that I am going to go to. But that is for another day where I hopefully feel less exhausted and more awake to make life decisions.

The main moral of this blog post is be productive in whatever way you can as being productive is good, but not to the point where you feel too exhausted and drained to move. It is ok to admit you need rest, but I really need to remember this moral more to prevent days like today from happening again. Hopefully by the end of this week, I will be back to my usual self. And I have done something slightly productive today by making this blog post that no one will read.

I really need some sleep.

So yeah, it's all good...

Amy :)