Leaving Work...

Life has been kind of tough. So I thought I'd type.

A few Saturdays ago, I decided to hand in my notice. Unfortunately, it was the only thing I could really do. I haven't been coping well at all. The last couple of weeks before I handed it in, I was so down and upset and I would come home virtually every night (or to Jordan's) and break down and just cry my eyes out. There was one Monday where things just really got me, I was having such a bad day anyway, I'd already broke down twice, Jordan left early anyway that day and saw his best friend who told him all these rumours that apparently people had told her about him and me (I'm not convinced some of these were true as all of the problems that me and Jordan have mostly originate from her. She likes to try and stir things up between us, even my now ex manager agrees, I keep giving her chances as she was Jordan's best friend, but it is getting harder on us now and our relationship, so I have sort of kept my distance now) and that just ended up with me breaking down in my car, so badly that I couldn't even drive home that evening. And after that Monday, the worse day I have ever worked, I decided I would hand my notice in on that Saturday as I'm simply not happy working there any more.

There are many reasons why I handed it in, starting with the fact I am still on till every day. I had been there for almost three years and was still getting put on till everyday. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing till. In fact it is one of the positions I would much rather be on compared to other stations. But being on till every day while being full time sucked the life out of me. It can be extremely frustrating as well, especially when kitchen makes mistakes and you have to take the full blame on front. I have been shouted at, moaned at, complained at but at the same time it has made me stronger. One day I got shouted at really bad by a customer because the meat was overcooked and it caused me to break down as soon as I dealt with it. Why was I getting shouted at for something I couldn't control? And the manager whose fault it was, pinned it on another manager. He apologised but I just thought "why are you apologising? it wasn't even your fault!" Most of the customers are nice don't get me wrong, but there is that minority of idiots that can really bring down your day, and being on till every day I would have to face these idiots, I also felt like no one really considered my feelings about things. And before you say it, I did tell the managers, I told one that I couldn't be on till on Saturdays and almost every Saturday since (apart from two, with one of them being my last day), I have been on till. And on the weekdays, I was always put on till every day I worked. On my last Sunday I worked, it sort of clicked that I was one of the best tillers as my manager even said it to one of the new guys. I understand the whole concept of "aces in their places" but surely aces need a break from doing the same thing every day and others should be trained in other positions? I just want to do something else with a bit more variety, I need a change and I'm certainly not going to get it there.

The second is the "lads." They started September ish last year and from the new year, they are dominating the place and the atmosphere and attitude is much more laddish and has become more negative. They aren't as motivated as the previous members of staff; the best, motivated staff have now all left. The thing that also annoyed me was the fact they are actually getting moved around, going on all the different stations (what I wanted to actually experience since going full time) which I don't like simply because they don't do much anyway. If it was me personally as manager, I'd make them work and become pros on till, then move them around. I dread to think what is going to happen at Christmas, because on my last Sunday, everything sort of crashed and my manager saw an insight into what life at work was going to be like with just lads, and she wasn't happy at all.

Continuing on, the management system has also gone downhill. There is no discipline any more, no one hears what you are saying really if you have a problem. Or they just try to dismiss it. One day I was working and from 2.30pm onwards, the lads were in the back on their phones. And the managers don't really care so much, with the exception of one.  When I look back to what it was and compare it to now... it is really sad how it has gone downhill. I used to actually look forward to going there, but unfortunately those days are over. But the main thing is that I do desperately need a change and the other reasons I have mentioned have motivated me to change. I was always going to leave around this time anyway, whether I decided to go to university or not.

So what is next? I am a bit stuck right now not gonna lie. I am much happier that I am now out of there, don't get me wrong. People are probably wondering why I didn't wait until I found another job before leaving, but work was affecting me both in and outside of work, I was so miserable and I would much rather be happy and look for other things while having a break from work. Now I have saved up a bit of money, I am looking for an apprenticeship but it is tough. At least I am not as miserable as I was at work. I started looking for childcare apprenticeships, but almost all the ones I applied for (I started applying while I was still working as well) got withdrawn after I applied. I even got a call back and had a telephone interview for one, but then that got withdrawn too. I then started to question whether I wanted to go into childcare and decided the nursery age range wasn't really me, so I looked into other categories of apprenticeships and decided the look of business, finance and accounting apprenticeships interested me a lot more. I have actually managed to get an interview for a Level Three apprenticeship in Client Advising but I don't think I'm going to get it simply because the company is quite big, a lot of people have gone for it and the salary is very good for a starting apprentice. I'm still going to give it a shot as it is a miracle I even have an interview. All I really want is a job I can enjoy, that is all I have really wanted for the past few months. But that is going to unfortunately have to wait a bit longer. On a brighter note, I had a lovely holiday in Spain last week, I really enjoyed my time away and I am a bit gutted I'm back!

I have sort of neglected my poor blog but I'm going to try and get it back up with a couple of Birchbox reviews in the not so distant future, and try to spend a bit more time on blogging. I just thought this post was necessary to explain my reasoning for leaving work.

So yeah, it's all good...

Amy :)