An Honesty Post...

Hello...

I really don't know what to say to be honest with you. So I'm just going to be honest and type...

Firstly, with friends. I am absolutely rubbish at keeping in contact with people... I'm sorry if you don't hear from me much if you are my friend. It doesn't mean we aren't friends or whatever, it just means that we have our own lives and we respect each other for that. Well at least I hope we do. We are all busy with our own things and have own things going on. I need to try and keep in contact with people more but I do find it hard. I would talk more in the group conversation but I simply just don't feel like I can relate to some of the things said in there at all. There was a time when I got so annoyed and frustrated with virtually everything that was being said in the conversation, and plenty of times wanted to leave. Just my opinion. It has got better though.

Speaking of friendship, I suppose I'd better mention the fact that Jordans best friend doesn't hate us like I thought she did. Basically we stopped talking to her in July time due to constant arguments between her and Jordan and the strain it was putting on us. It was a crazy confusing time the months before, normally she and Jordan would argue... mainly because Jordan wasn't giving her enough attention and I'd be stuck in the middle of the two thinking it was my fault. However one day in July, she started arguing with me about something which wasn't even to do with me and had a go at Jordan at the same time, as well as broadcasting it pretty much all over facebook. So I just stopped talking to her, as well as Jordan and we were happier for it and at least we weren't stressing her out anymore. We thought it was the end of it, apart from seeing the very occasional posts she'd share that was directed at Jordan. Then she messaged us both a couple of weeks ago and apologised for how she was to us for those months, she found out some news as well that has shocked us really.. and I think she realised how she had treated us. We are all fine now, we haven't really talked since as she needs to concentrate on herself more than ever right now... the space did us all some good though I feel.

With Jordan, things are going great. I literally spend half of my time at home, half my time at his house now. I have a few of my things in a couple of his drawers, like shirts for work, casual clothes, hair products... just so then I don't have to keep bringing things backwards and forwards... it just works well at the moment. The only downside is it can be quite tiring keeping track of where I need to be each evening and whether my mum has to get some tea for me! My parents are actually quite relaxed about it too which is great, shows they approve of him and are actually sort of treating me like an adult. I feel like our relationship has grown so much and is just getting better and better. Also the fact we aren't working in the same place any more helps a lot I think, the only thing I miss is not seeing him every day but I think the space has done us good and it makes us look forward to the moments where we do see each other more! We are not moving in together just yet though just to clarify!

Since starting work, my life has gone hectic. I have literally been out every weekend since I started working and that isn't a joke, it has just been a very hectic time and I know there will be more events to come... I am hoping this calms down a bit soon. The actual work side of things is going ok, I find it fascinating in a weird way when I hear about what I will eventually be working with. The only thing that is frustrating is not knowing a lot! I had a day in London yesterday, it was so long and frustrating and I got lost by myself to top it all off! Training is a bit of a mix of things but I'm understanding things more than I did and have realised my training will be a while before I actually do anything myself. I have finally enrolled in the actual apprenticeship scheme after a month which has taken a lot of effort as it has been quite unorganised and started to receive textbooks. My first exam which is IF1 is in early February and I know I have got a lot of work to do before I am prepared for it. Juggling that with actual work and social time isn't going to be the best but I feel more relaxed about things than I did at sixth form... it is very different in comparison.

And finally Christmas! I'm so excited but very unorganised. I hope that will change soon!

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while.. been constructing this post since the beginning of the month and it has taken me this long to publish it!

So yeah, it's all good...

Amy :)