Hello 2019...

Hello. Welcome to my first blog post of 2019. Yes I know it's pretty late into January already (I do suck at regularly and consistently blogging) however I wanted to just sit here, type and let my thoughts and feelings run wild in an honest and personal blog post.

First things first. 2019. The last ever year ending in "teen" that we will most likely live and exist in, in our lifetimes. If that makes sense. Which is pretty scary to think about.

Honestly... this year has been somewhat difficult for me already. A few things have happened already which has made the beginning of 2019 more difficult to cope with. I'm really hoping that this year will improve more as time goes on, as the beginning has been pretty awful so far. I've got plenty of days to make that happen so I'm still feeling optimistic right now.

You are probably expecting a blog post with resolutions for this new year. I looked back at my previous years resolutions and I actually achieved a few of them which is great. For this year, I'm not really making any resolutions as such. There are a few things I would like to change, however these are very small things. They are not resolutions, more like aspirations. I'll see what happens. For me, 2019 is not about becoming a new person. It's about just being myself and getting through what will inevitably be a more tough year.

Speaking of happier times, I had a great New Years. I went to a house party and it was really great to just relax, chill with friends and get drunk. It was crazy times. The clock struck 12 and there were around 10 of us cramped in the living room hugging and celebrating. The first few seconds were spent with all of us gagging on a really strong shot, which I have no idea what it was! It was an amazing night and I didn't get to bed until 7am. I think I pulled my first ever proper all nighter! I crashed there and woke up at 9am... I was running on two hours sleep that day. All 10 of us spent the first day of 2019 together. My first day of 2019 consisted of hours of multiplayer Super Smash Bros on the Switch, brunch at Spoons (I had the all day breakfast, and we literally took up half of spoons) and an evening meal out where the restaurant literally had hardly any food. It was such a great day and I was also glad to see my bed finally at 10pm that day! I don't have a lot of photos from New Years as I've decided to live in the moment a lot more at social events.

Due to living in the moment a lot more, I've also got to a point where I have become awful at being on social media. It was actually one of my new years resolutions last year to cut down the time I spend on social media and this was one of the ones I actually achieved. I just don't feel the need to be on social media much and communicate with people virtually every day through messages. I'm also awful at keeping up with people's lives through social media. I don't even post or share much on social media as much any more.

And for that.. I am genuinely sorry to my friends who do read this. In this day and age, our lives and communication revolves heavily around social media and I really do suck at it. I also hate this fact as well which turns me against using social media at times. It's ironic how social media has the word "social" in the title. It is anything but social. Communication between people should be face-to-face and not through pixels on a screen. However that is easier said than done as the curse of Adulting can sometimes take over life in general, which makes face-to-face communication increasingly difficult and for that, I do realise how easy and convenient it is for people to communicate via social media.

However I am trying to live in the moment (as I did last year) , enjoy more face-face communication and ignore the pressures of being on social media which is working out well so far. I'm not on social media much in my day to day life anymore and I'm much happier for it.

Another "living in the moment" moment was the other Friday. I started drinking at 1pm (big mistake) From then, I got tipsy. I went back to work around half 3ish where I suddenly got urgent work so I had to try and complete that to the best of my ability whilst tipsy. Once the clock hit 5, I was out of the door. My dad had to drive my car home as I was still tipsy, I went back to drop the keys off and then went straight back out to the city. I had hardly any phone battery at all (my phone was off all night), I was not dressed for a night out at all, was still tipsy from the afternoon but I still went for it. 

I was a complete mess however I had fun. It was very much a great and a live in the moment night for me. After jumping on my DJ friend, getting behind the DJ decks and swiging my DJ friends vodka straight out of the bottle, almost throwing up in a bin and a bit more dancing, I think the night was pretty much over for me. After all, I had been tipsy for around 12 hours so I knew it was time for me to go! Luckily my mother for the night Paige called me a taxi and looked after me which I really appreciate!

Even though I had a crazy night that night (and another crazy night the night after that which spent dancing for hours at Jordan's bands gig!), one thing I will not apologise for is how I live my life or for who I am as a person. I am not sorry for the fact I am hardly on social media any more. I am not sorry for not messaging people so much (I am truly awful at times and lets face it, face-to-face communication is always ten times better) I am not sorry for being loud, quiet, mad, crazy, annoying. I am not sorry for being me at all. The people who care about me most are there for me and support, no matter what decisions and choices I make in life, and who I am as a person. They don't care what I do so long as I am happy and okay. I am at a reasonably happy point in my life, despite quite a few rubbish things going on personally at the moment. However things will get better. I'm pretty happy overall otherwise.

Therefore I am going to live in the moment this year and I am not going to worry about what other people may think. Everyone will have an opinion on you, your life and the decisions you make. These opinions are not factual. I've adopted this mindset a lot more especially in 2018 as I found out so much about people and their opinions about me. It's much easier to live your life when not caring what people think anyway. People constantly change and evolve and it can be tough trying to keep up with everyone who is in your life, whether it is a best friend to a person you really only say "hi" to. I'm definitely not the same person I was five years ago when starting this blog. And that is okay. As I am very happy being me and I know I am a good person.

Speaking of the blog. I have no idea whats even going on with it. I wanted 2019 to be a fresh start with the blog however I think I have just reverted back to my original Amy style of blogging which is creating a rambly mess that I publish online. It pretty much reflects my whole view on 2019 as I'm just being myself (New Year, Same Blog). I know I definitely want to live a more private life which I have started to do (especially with posting less online) , so there will be less diary type posts in the future. I might try my hand at doing more reviews or advice posts. I do have an idea for a blog series I would love to create one day if I ever have the motivation, however I doubt this will happen. I do have many different ideas but motivation is another key thing when it comes to blogging. Sometimes I can blog loads and get really into blogging and other times I just simply don't want to or can't be bothered, and I then wonder why I even publish my own thoughts. Anyway, I'm hoping to continue blogging into 2019 but we'll see what happens. Blogging is my own little creative online outlet just for me and I love that.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, but here we are, 2019 and it's a new year but pretty much the same me and the same blog. And I am good with that.

So yeah, it's all good...

Amy