In the next edition from my posts from the past, we have a blog post which was entitled "Hi" and was drafted 21st December 2018. At this moment in time, I was enjoying going to various Christmas events and getting prepared for the festive season. By the end of 2018, things were starting to improve in my personal life (until the first few months of 2019) and I was feeling a lot more comfortable and secure in myself. I really enjoyed reading back through this blog post because of that!
I have combined aspects from another uncomplete draft called "My Family", only because some parts of this blog post naturally fit in really well amongst this post. The introductions to my immediate family is from 18th May 2020, however the rest of the blog post is from 28th December 2018!
Hi. What better way to start this blog post.
I just wanted to chat about things in general. As I've got to the point in my life where I am feeling that bit more happier with things. That's not to say that I don't have bad days any more as I still do (I am human). But that's ok as it is part of life and it makes you appreciate the good times more. From quite a few personal things happening at the same time, I have had weeks bordering on months of feeling horrible, worthless and not good enough to the point where I have struggled to live my day-to-day life and go out to do various things.
Although I have done some amazing things throughout this year and really enjoyed those times when they have happened, this year in particular has been a tough one for me. I haven't been feeling good in myself for months and it has really made me reflect on a lot of aspects of my life. It is so important for everyone to reflect on different aspects of their lives at times. What I have particularly learnt is that it is ok to be me and that I don't have to justify myself or my decisions to anyone. People judge no matter what you do. And the people who still want you in their lives will come to accept you for who you are, and will want to still be around you as an individual.
The biggest thing that happened for me this year was that I've moved out of my family home this year. Which is great! Naturally I do miss my family as we are very close but it was probably one of the best decisions I made. It took me a bit of time to properly get used to it, but I love having my own space and independence. It is also really great living with Jordan, although we both have the tendency to be quite lazy and aren't great with chores. We are both living like students right now, however we never went to university and led the uni lifestyle therefore we are just living in the moment for now. Life is too short.
I just wanted to chat about things in general. As I've got to the point in my life where I am feeling that bit more happier with things. That's not to say that I don't have bad days any more as I still do (I am human). But that's ok as it is part of life and it makes you appreciate the good times more. From quite a few personal things happening at the same time, I have had weeks bordering on months of feeling horrible, worthless and not good enough to the point where I have struggled to live my day-to-day life and go out to do various things.
Although I have done some amazing things throughout this year and really enjoyed those times when they have happened, this year in particular has been a tough one for me. I haven't been feeling good in myself for months and it has really made me reflect on a lot of aspects of my life. It is so important for everyone to reflect on different aspects of their lives at times. What I have particularly learnt is that it is ok to be me and that I don't have to justify myself or my decisions to anyone. People judge no matter what you do. And the people who still want you in their lives will come to accept you for who you are, and will want to still be around you as an individual.
The biggest thing that happened for me this year was that I've moved out of my family home this year. Which is great! Naturally I do miss my family as we are very close but it was probably one of the best decisions I made. It took me a bit of time to properly get used to it, but I love having my own space and independence. It is also really great living with Jordan, although we both have the tendency to be quite lazy and aren't great with chores. We are both living like students right now, however we never went to university and led the uni lifestyle therefore we are just living in the moment for now. Life is too short.
As for the future, we don't think about it too seriously. Obviously we talk about our future together, but not to the stage where we are making serious plans. There is no rush and more importantly, we want to feel ready, happy and comfortable with making any big decisions that can affect both of our futures. We are still pretty young in the grand scheme of things. When we moved out, we knew when we were both ready. Ultimately we just want to enjoy our time together, lead our own lives before making any more serious or concrete plans. The future itself, I believe it can be quite unpredictable. I do take every day as it comes and I don't take anything for granted. I think the key to a successful relationship these days is to take things at your own pace and don't rush into things for the sake of it. If you are going to be with someone for a long time and if you are meant to be, things will naturally work out. Luckily we are both on the same wavelength with our relationship and the most important thing to us is enjoying our lives together. I am so grateful to have Jordan in my life!
As a person, I would say I am very much a traditionalist and I think that was the way I was brought up by my family. We didn't have the latest things, and I lived in a house where we had one computer to share between the family. I had to have set times of when I could use it to do my homework and even then, I used to do it and then email it to myself to print it out at school. Our printer was the most basic £20 printer I have ever seen and if it actually printed things out, it was a miracle. I can remember our first computer didn't even have the Internet and when we got Internet it was an incredible day. We had a router and it had to be in just the right position on the side table to actually get the internet on the computer. It tooks us ages to get wi-fi, and when we did, it was this really long numbers and letters which stopped working after the first year or so, only for us to buy another cheap one which was just more numbers and letters. My family didn't see the need for being modern and having the latest things. We could survive without them. That is one thing I will always be bad at.. Keeping up with technologies and the latest modern things! The most modern technology that I own is my phone and even then, Jordan sorts that out for me!
As a person, I would say I am very much a traditionalist and I think that was the way I was brought up by my family. We didn't have the latest things, and I lived in a house where we had one computer to share between the family. I had to have set times of when I could use it to do my homework and even then, I used to do it and then email it to myself to print it out at school. Our printer was the most basic £20 printer I have ever seen and if it actually printed things out, it was a miracle. I can remember our first computer didn't even have the Internet and when we got Internet it was an incredible day. We had a router and it had to be in just the right position on the side table to actually get the internet on the computer. It tooks us ages to get wi-fi, and when we did, it was this really long numbers and letters which stopped working after the first year or so, only for us to buy another cheap one which was just more numbers and letters. My family didn't see the need for being modern and having the latest things. We could survive without them. That is one thing I will always be bad at.. Keeping up with technologies and the latest modern things! The most modern technology that I own is my phone and even then, Jordan sorts that out for me!
Even though they are a big part of my life, I don't really mention my family on my blog an awful lot, nor do I post many photos of my family. This is because my family don't use social media much. None of my dad's side of the family has any form of social media (apart from a couple of my cousins and one uncle), and my mum's side of the family is not on any form of social media (apart from my nan!) However I am going to give a quick introduction to my immediate family, including my parents and my brother.
We'll start with my mum. My mum is probably one of the most kind-hearted people I've ever met. She used to work in a bank before having me, and subsequently my brother. Now, she is primarily a housewife but is also a co-director to my dad's business, mainly on the admin side of things. She also delivers leaflets and flyers if required, as well as school dinners to different schools. If I ever have a problem, she is the first person I always turn to. When I was growing up, we were always close even when I was a teenager. She has done a lot for me, more than I can really say on a blog post and I am extremely grateful to have her in my life.What I also love about my mum is that she isn't quite in touch with TV shows and films... I think that partly why I don't have much pop culture / film knowledge!
We'll start with my mum. My mum is probably one of the most kind-hearted people I've ever met. She used to work in a bank before having me, and subsequently my brother. Now, she is primarily a housewife but is also a co-director to my dad's business, mainly on the admin side of things. She also delivers leaflets and flyers if required, as well as school dinners to different schools. If I ever have a problem, she is the first person I always turn to. When I was growing up, we were always close even when I was a teenager. She has done a lot for me, more than I can really say on a blog post and I am extremely grateful to have her in my life.What I also love about my mum is that she isn't quite in touch with TV shows and films... I think that partly why I don't have much pop culture / film knowledge!
Now for my dad. First thing I can say about my dad is that he is extremely clever. He knows a lot of things! He worked as a heating engineer for several years at various companies, I can remember visiting various offices and hearing stories of him at work Christmas parties! Around five years ago, he took the big decision in becoming self-employed. Going self employed is a huge risk but he has his own business for a good few years now, specialising in heating and engineering. Starting out as self employed and being self employed means that we didn't receive a stable income every month, which taught me the importance of money. Sometimes we'd have good months, and sometimes we'd have bad months.. There was a point where we went through a few particularly bad months in a row, however it does really teach you the value and importance of money and I think that might be why I am so careful with money now. My dad has always been extremely careful with money and would never waste his money on stupid silly extravagant things for me and my brother growing up.
As a reflection of my dad's knowledge, in his spare time he loves nothing more than getting in his garage (which he built himself) and working on restoring a few old cars. He loves doing that, when my brother first got his car it was an absolute state however he restored it so it was like brand new. Growing up, we've had various cars in our driveway because of his passion, and when he's finished doing up the cars, he sells them. Which obviously is a money making business in itself. When I was very young, he built the whole upstairs of our house. Yep, he actually built the entirety of the upstairs, which included my parents room, bathroom, my room and my brothers room. There is still a massive mark on the ceiling in our living room where my dad put his leg through the ceiling when he was building it.. but we aren't covering that up, it's always a funny story to tell!
Next is naturally my younger brother. Ben is now 18 years old, which to me is crazy as I still see him as my younger brother not an adult! He's in college studying an electrician course however he doesn't enjoy it that much as he doesn't want to be an electrician. He also got a seasonal job at a popular kids attraction and they liked him so much, they decided to keep him as a permanent member of staff. Ben loves his job, which is fantastic and also absolutely loves driving and buses. He would love to be a bus driver one day! Ben is the most organised and tidiest person ever, he loves having a routine and absolutely loves cleaning. He loved taking photos when he was younger, which is great as we have so many holiday photos and memories from over the years. He stores them all on various hard drives and as you can probably imagine, they are very organised. We didn't get on very much when we were growing up however we are getting along better now we are both grown up!
Now for pets. We've had Mika for quite a few years now. Mika is the most sweetest cat ever, he has never attacked anyone in his life. He just loves sniffing you at first, then he'll leave you alone! I swear he does have a bit of a grumpy face, but that does not reflect how he is with humans. He constantly purrs and loves a good bit of attention. He loves being lazy, and you won't find him being active much these days. However he has had his moments of craziness such as getting lost in a heavy snow storm (someone found him and took him to the vets, and we got a call from the vets to reunite us with him) as well as climbing trees, where one time my dad had to climb the tree to rescue him as he got stuck.
And our most recent addition to the family is Mother Cat (MC). Not the most imaginative name, but she is unofficially our cat. She was abandoned whilst she was pregnant and gave birth to three kittens, all who have been rehomed around the village I grew up in. My parents contacted vets, put posters up and did everything they could to find MC's original owner for around six months however heard nothing back. Therefore we decided to take her in. MC has definitely been through some trauma in her life which has really affected her. If there are any loud noises, she will attack anyone. She wouldn't make a good house cat due to how vicious she is, which is the main reason why my parents couldn't put her up for adoption as no one would take her after seeing how vicious she is. My parents also couldn't really keep her with Mika but no one else would take her. Therefore my dad added a cat flap on the garage door, got a comfy cat bed for MC to sleep on in the garage and gives her food and water every day. Therefore she is sort of unofficially our cat. She is very happy living in the garage (I am sure she has probably slept in worse places before) and has become more affectionate towards us. However she will still attack at any loud noise so you have to still be careful!
The most important thing for my family was spending time with one another and working hard to get good results. Saturday was a day where homework would get done, it was spent in the house, spending time in the garden, playing on the Nintendo DS / Gameboy Advance riding bikes up and down the paths around our house, playing "The Floor Is Lava" in the living room, using cushions on the floor. Sunday's would be a trip out to the coast (sometimes my grandparents would come as well), we would go on the amusements although we had a set budget of what we could spend. My mum and brother loved the 2p machines and my dad and I loved the claw machines. We would have a takeaway chinese every Sunday from whichever Chinese shop would do the best takeaway. I can remember the time when my dad got a car with a legit seat in the boot of the car and I would sit in the boot with every driver behind me looking very confused and sometimes waving to me!
By living this way, it also really taught me the importance of money and saving money where possible. I don't feel the need to have the latest or modern technologies or newest releases of material items. Since moving out, I haven't struggled much on the money side of things (touch wood) which was one of my biggest fears when moving out and I think it is because I am quite strict on myself to save money.
Thats not to say we were living in the stone age but I was always aware that compared to my friends, I was living in a different age with modern technology. One moment that stands out for me was a Citizenship lesson at school, where our teacher was saying "Did you all know that TVs used to have massive boxes behind them? These boxes were massive, you could barely lift them!" People couldn't believe it in the class, they were shook. At that point in time, we still had a box TV as our family TV in the living room to which I told the teacher and he was shocked. But for me, that was normal for us and it really showed me that the way I grew up was a bit behind the times with the majority of the generation I grew up in.
My parents didn't actually own a working DVD player for a lot of years, but we had a VHS player... Which sometimes worked if you shook it in the right sort of place! When it was working, my brother figured out how to record VHS tapes onto DVD's and I can remember us buying a lot of blank DVD's in Poundland just so we could copy videos over to DVD's... My family formed an orderly queue to get their videos transferred over to DVD! A couple of months ago, my mum got a blu-ray player and she was ecstatic. Our latest gaming console was a second hand Playstation 2, but we spent hours on there, especially on Buzz Monster Rumble and the other buzzer games. Ben and I also used to love the Grand Theft Auto San Andreas game on the PlayStation 2.. We never used to do any of the missions, it was purely to cause chaos! We never got a Nintendo Wii (I always went round friends who had a Nintendo Wii and we played Mario Kart for hours) but after a lot of begging my parents, we did manage to get Nintendo DS's. We would always help each other out with our towns on Animal Crossing. Before the Nintendo DS, I remember being so excited to get a Gameboy Advance one Christmas! I still have my Nintendo DS, my Gameboy Advance and the games I used to play.. I definitely need to revisit them at some point!
I used to have a mini box TV in my room, the screen was so tiny but I can remember how excited I was to get this TV one Christmas, especially as it had a DVD player built in. I could watch DVDs in my own room! It was a very exciting day. A few years later, I received a freeview box which recorded TV programs which I found fascinating. I couldn't record many as after around 15 hours of recorded content, the box would take a good 5/10 minutes to load up so I kept my favourites and had to pick and choose what to keep.. which was the hardest part. I used to have this TV and freeview box next to each other on my drawers and my dad built this mini wooden shelf for me so I could have the TV propped up above the freeview box and it made more space on the top of my drawers for my things. That was also a great day!
I'm honestly so grateful for being brought up this way. It helped me learn a lot and really did form who I am as a person, and I'm pretty happy with that person. I am a traditional yet clueless millenial, I am a bit behind with the most modern times but I'm not bothered by it now!
To be completely honest, I dislike a lot of things about the generation I am in. Not to sound too depressing but I don't see the best future for our generation and there are a lot of things which I don't like the look of. I think this does reflect on me as a person, especially with taking a more traditional approach with things, however I am an optimist overall. I like to look at life in general like a battery, every negative has to have a positive (although I am struggling to see this with Brexit, it is such a big mess). TV and films are a big part of the generation I grew up with and I have no idea about most TV shows/films (I'd say around a good 85% of them) that people talk to me about. My knowledge on pop culture is pretty poor and it does show at times when speaking to various friends. It doesn't help that I do like rewatching shows that I love... I rediscovered my love for Broadchurch the other day and binge watched around 4 episodes in a row whilst I was ill!
I don't speak online to anyone unless we are really talking to meet up. I don't participate in group chats either. I am only in the grand total of two active group chats (even then, one isn't that active). I left a few group chats which was my own choice when I was struggling with a lot of things. I just don't like group chats any more and I never was really active in them anyway. I prefer communicating with people face to face rather than messages, and want to cut down on communicating with others online unless I really have to. I am awful at messaging people anyway. I feel this is more of a life choice than anything else, but again I feel it's also the traditional side of me saying I don't need to communicate with others online so much, as communication through face to face is so much more special than through a screen.
To be completely honest, I dislike a lot of things about the generation I am in. Not to sound too depressing but I don't see the best future for our generation and there are a lot of things which I don't like the look of. I think this does reflect on me as a person, especially with taking a more traditional approach with things, however I am an optimist overall. I like to look at life in general like a battery, every negative has to have a positive (although I am struggling to see this with Brexit, it is such a big mess). TV and films are a big part of the generation I grew up with and I have no idea about most TV shows/films (I'd say around a good 85% of them) that people talk to me about. My knowledge on pop culture is pretty poor and it does show at times when speaking to various friends. It doesn't help that I do like rewatching shows that I love... I rediscovered my love for Broadchurch the other day and binge watched around 4 episodes in a row whilst I was ill!
I don't speak online to anyone unless we are really talking to meet up. I don't participate in group chats either. I am only in the grand total of two active group chats (even then, one isn't that active). I left a few group chats which was my own choice when I was struggling with a lot of things. I just don't like group chats any more and I never was really active in them anyway. I prefer communicating with people face to face rather than messages, and want to cut down on communicating with others online unless I really have to. I am awful at messaging people anyway. I feel this is more of a life choice than anything else, but again I feel it's also the traditional side of me saying I don't need to communicate with others online so much, as communication through face to face is so much more special than through a screen.
The point in making this blog post is that I have really learnt this year that everyone is different and it is ok to be who I am as a person. I deserve to be treated with respect from others and in my future, I want to be surrounded by people who really make me happy. It has definitely been a journey of self reflection but I am feeling pretty comfortable within myself and am feeling a lot brighter about things in general right now!
So yeah, it's all good...
Amy
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